refs: tidy up and adjust visibility of the `ref_update` flags

refs: tidy up and adjust visibility of the `ref_update` flags

The constants used for `ref_update::flags` were rather disorganized:

* The definitions in `refs.h` were not close to the functions that
  used them.

* Maybe constants were defined in `refs-internal.h`, making them
  visible to the whole refs module, when in fact they only made sense
  for the files backend.

* Their documentation wasn't very consistent and partly still referred
  to sha1s rather than oids.

* The numerical values followed no rational scheme

Fix all of these problems. The main functional improvement is that
some constants' visibility is now limited to `files-backend.c`.

Signed-off-by: Michael Haggerty <mhagger@alum.mit.edu>
Signed-off-by: Junio C Hamano <gitster@pobox.com>