reconcile #12326 and #12328

reconcile #12326 and #12328

These two issues both involve ORM DML RETURNING.   The looser
column inclusion rules given in #12328 then included a correlated
subquery column_property given in #12326, which does not work
in RETURNING.  so re-tighten UPDATE/DELETE with a more specific
rule to cut out local mapped props that are not persisted columns,
but still allow other mapped props through without blocking them.

Fixes: #12326
Change-Id: I8fe7b8ab9b85907e562648433fdb3c7ba160c0d0
(cherry picked from commit e88788bb0c1fa596ab63cb787b0438213040b10a)