- beef up the --reversetop test option to embed RandomSet throughout the ORM

- beef up the --reversetop test option to embed RandomSet throughout the ORM
- with m2m we have to go back to the previous approach of having both sides of
the DP fire off, tracking each pair of objects.   history may not be consistently present
in one side or the other
- this revealed a whole lot of issues with self-referential m2m, which are fixed