OPTIM: queue: make the nbpend counters atomic

OPTIM: queue: make the nbpend counters atomic

Instead of incrementing, decrementing them and updating their max under
the lock, make them atomic and keep them out of the lock as much as
possible. For __pendconn_unlink_* it would be wide to decide to move
these counters outside of the function, inside the callers so that a
single atomic op can be done per counter even for groups of operations.