Fix memory ordering guarantees and TSAN errors

Fix memory ordering guarantees and TSAN errors

If we had refcounted object allowing lockless writes
the relaxed semantics on DOWN_REF would allow scheduling
these writes after simultaneous release of the object by
another thread.

We do not have any such objects yet, but better to make
the refcount correct just in case we will have them
in future.

TSAN doesn't properly understand this so we use
even stronger acq_rel semantics if building with TSAN.

Fixes #25660

Reviewed-by: Neil Horman <nhorman@openssl.org>
Reviewed-by: Richard Levitte <levitte@openssl.org>
(Merged from https://github.com/openssl/openssl/pull/25664)